Huahhh........... why...why...why.......
it's not as easy as i thought... so sad....
why this happened to me?? when everything seems good and allright, the fact is vice versa...
when i thought i'm doing the right thing, few person told me "no u don't"
shud i followed their suggestion? stay by my self, contactless for a couple days?? to know what i really feel & what shud i do next..or shud i make my self buzy all the time so i won't thinking bout it
i don't think i cud do that... i'm not brave enough...hufffffffffff
please help meeeeee........
Senin, 31 Agustus 2009
when i cud go there??
place i really want to see now is.....KARIMUN JAWA....huaaaa...when will i go there? don't know..i wish before this end year...
Kamis, 27 Agustus 2009
hard day...... :(
hmmmmmmmmmmm very hard day...or hardest day ever???
started not really good but i wish cud end this day well...hehehe
pagi2 buta udah ky kena bom hehe...akhirnya jelas sudah semua ne...:( sedih? ya pasti, kecewa? sedikit..nangis? yup 'bout 15 minutes, when i pray...ya sudah lah...semua yg terjadi pasti ada hikmahnya...sdikit ada rasa nda terima, tp smp skarang i'm trying to accept it...whatever...
problem kedua...yg ternyata nda se simple yang aku kira...ada chance baru, tp masalah nda selesai smp di situ, masih ada beberapa hal yang harus ku putuskan... sore ini harus e aku kasi decision..tp i'm not ready yet..akhir nya mundur deh...
dan siang ini, almost 5 hours i have a chit chat (cud i said a chit chat hehe) with sum1....OMG...cape banget...ngobrol a,b,c,d smp z....curhat, konseling whatever it's called dan itu kembali melemahkan hati ku...hiks..hiks...kenapa jadi nda tega lagi huaaaaaaaa....
fortunately...ada temen2 yang supporting banget...and ttp dukung apapun keputusanku...thank u
started not really good but i wish cud end this day well...hehehe
pagi2 buta udah ky kena bom hehe...akhirnya jelas sudah semua ne...:( sedih? ya pasti, kecewa? sedikit..nangis? yup 'bout 15 minutes, when i pray...ya sudah lah...semua yg terjadi pasti ada hikmahnya...sdikit ada rasa nda terima, tp smp skarang i'm trying to accept it...whatever...
problem kedua...yg ternyata nda se simple yang aku kira...ada chance baru, tp masalah nda selesai smp di situ, masih ada beberapa hal yang harus ku putuskan... sore ini harus e aku kasi decision..tp i'm not ready yet..akhir nya mundur deh...
dan siang ini, almost 5 hours i have a chit chat (cud i said a chit chat hehe) with sum1....OMG...cape banget...ngobrol a,b,c,d smp z....curhat, konseling whatever it's called dan itu kembali melemahkan hati ku...hiks..hiks...kenapa jadi nda tega lagi huaaaaaaaa....
fortunately...ada temen2 yang supporting banget...and ttp dukung apapun keputusanku...thank u
Selasa, 25 Agustus 2009
To love is to risk....
When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure.
But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher.
In the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go!
You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if his or her happiness means that you're not part of it.
Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try.
You'll never love a person you love unless you risk for love.
Love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love.
Love doesn't hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow. Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall.
You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters.
If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.
Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing.
The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves.
On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get back on the horse. But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time.
To love is to risk rejection; to live is to risk dying; to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self; to love is to risk not to be loved in return...
-Ebeth-
But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher.
In the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go!
You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if his or her happiness means that you're not part of it.
Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try.
You'll never love a person you love unless you risk for love.
Love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love.
Love doesn't hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow. Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall.
You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters.
If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.
Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing.
The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves.
On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get back on the horse. But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time.
To love is to risk rejection; to live is to risk dying; to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self; to love is to risk not to be loved in return...
-Ebeth-
Senin, 24 Agustus 2009
GIVE THANKS
aku mengucap syukur
untuk setiap senyum dan tawa dalam hidupku
aku mengucap syukur
untuk tetes air mata kesedihan ataupun kebhagiaan
aku mengucap syukur
untuk sukacita yang aku rasakan
aku mengucap syukur
untuk duka yang boleh aku alami
aku mengucap syukur
untuk masa lalu, sekarang dan masa depan ku
Apapun itu Tuhan
Ijinkan aku mengucap syukur
Terima kasih karena Engkau ijinkan aku melewati semua ini...
untuk setiap senyum dan tawa dalam hidupku
aku mengucap syukur
untuk tetes air mata kesedihan ataupun kebhagiaan
aku mengucap syukur
untuk sukacita yang aku rasakan
aku mengucap syukur
untuk duka yang boleh aku alami
aku mengucap syukur
untuk masa lalu, sekarang dan masa depan ku
Apapun itu Tuhan
Ijinkan aku mengucap syukur
Terima kasih karena Engkau ijinkan aku melewati semua ini...
Minggu, 23 Agustus 2009
Nic3 SunDaY
What a day...so tired....
Rencana mau ke greja jam 1 malah nda jadi karena ada emergeny call dari si ita yang udah otw ke greja..alhasil telat dateng greja..rekor deh 18 menit terlambat...malu.. hehe
Capek puter2 nganter my lovely fren blanja..ampun deh banyak banget, bayangin aja beli blanjaan buat 6 bulan...qiqiqiqi....kasian juga bayangin dia akan ada di "peradaban tempo doeloe" selama setengah taon :p kalo aja tadi hape ngga mati gara2 low bat pasti udah ta' photo & upload tu blanjaan di sini wkwkwkwk...
A liitle bit happy today...bisa menikmati hari...
Lagi dengerin lagu 'hello" lionel richie nih
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely,
or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying, I love you ...
hehehe..benar2 menggambarkan isi hati... :) hufffff
Happy Sundae ALL...
Rencana mau ke greja jam 1 malah nda jadi karena ada emergeny call dari si ita yang udah otw ke greja..alhasil telat dateng greja..rekor deh 18 menit terlambat...malu.. hehe
Capek puter2 nganter my lovely fren blanja..ampun deh banyak banget, bayangin aja beli blanjaan buat 6 bulan...qiqiqiqi....kasian juga bayangin dia akan ada di "peradaban tempo doeloe" selama setengah taon :p kalo aja tadi hape ngga mati gara2 low bat pasti udah ta' photo & upload tu blanjaan di sini wkwkwkwk...
A liitle bit happy today...bisa menikmati hari...
Lagi dengerin lagu 'hello" lionel richie nih
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely,
or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying, I love you ...
hehehe..benar2 menggambarkan isi hati... :) hufffff
Happy Sundae ALL...
Sabtu, 22 Agustus 2009
dissapointed??
..the more u expect.. the more u disappointed.. just let it go.. and let it flow..
melow mode : On..
is it true? half part said yes...and others said no...and this time, i will answer yes......
Stop expecting because i don't want to be dissapointed..just looking arround, maybe i cud find the other else...
melow mode : On..
is it true? half part said yes...and others said no...and this time, i will answer yes......
Stop expecting because i don't want to be dissapointed..just looking arround, maybe i cud find the other else...
Senin, 17 Agustus 2009
My short trip.. :)
Setelah tanya sana sini & googling, ttp ngga gerti juga hari ini mau ke mana...udah tau sih arah nya cuma ngga ngerti tepat nya mau ke mana..lagi butuh fresh air, menyingkir sejenak dari penat & sumpek...hehehe....Akhirnya sampailah kami di amanah farm..farm? peternakan? not exactly like that, ada t4 makan, pemancingan, t4 bikin roti, perkebunan, & outbond bahkan ada t4 inapnya juga (sekilas lihat sih meski sempit tapi bener2 bersih kamarnya)
Kesan pertama : bersih, luas, rame dan kynya bakal seru karena ada flying fox yang artinya bisa teriak2 meluapkan & menumpahkan segala sesak n sumpek wakakaka...berlebihan...
brgkt dari rumah udah hampir jam 13.00 wib, nyampe di sana skitar jam 2 lah, jalan2 sebentar, foto2 (lg kumat narsis hari ini :p) trus main flying fox deh... beda dari kemaren waktu di ungaran, kali ini kami nyoba main tandem (baca : bareng ber 2) dan hasilnya seruuuu abiiiz..nda nyesel, malah akhirnya waktu mau balik kami main lagi saking addicted ma permainan satu ini...
Have fun? absolutely YES! sejenak melupakan segala problematika hidup wakakakaka..... cm liat ijo2 d sana, perasaan jadi adeeeeeemmm..... :)
Hopefully, can go back there one day, but with other person if possible :))
Gbu All..
Sabtu, 15 Agustus 2009
N.O.T.E
Good note...read it..
Sadarkah kita bahwa ;
Kita dilahirkan dengan dua mata di depan,
karena seharusnya kita melihat yang ada di depan?
Kita lahir dengan dua telinga, satu kiri dan satu di kanan
sehingga kita dapat mendengar dari dua sisi dan dua arah. Menangkap pujian maupun kritikan, dan mendengar mana yang salah dan mana yang benar.
Kita dilahirkan dengan otak tersembunyi di kepala, sehingga bagaimanapun miskinnya kita, kita tetap kaya. Karena tak seorang pun dapat mencuri isi otak kita. Yang lebih berharga dari segala permatayang ada.
Kita dilahirkan dengan dua mata, dua telinga, namun cukup dengan satu mulut. Karena mulut tadi adalah senjata yang tajam , Yang dapat melukai, memfitnah, bahkan membunuh. Lebih baik sedikit bicara, tapi banyak mendengar dan melihat.
Kita dilahirkan dengan satu hati, yang mengingatkan kita. Untuk menghargai dan memberikan cinta kasih dari dalam lubuk hati.
Belajar untuk mencintai dan menikmati untuk dicintai, tetapi Jangan pernah mengharapkan orang lain mencintai anda dengan cara dan sebanyak yang sudah anda berikan.
Berikanlah cinta tanpa mengharapkan balasan, maka anda akan menemukan bahwa hidup ini terasa menjadi lebih indah.
Yup..I think that's right "berikanlah cinta tanpa mengharapkan balasan..." Maybe i shud do this... ^^
Happy Sunday
Sadarkah kita bahwa ;
Kita dilahirkan dengan dua mata di depan,
karena seharusnya kita melihat yang ada di depan?
Kita lahir dengan dua telinga, satu kiri dan satu di kanan
sehingga kita dapat mendengar dari dua sisi dan dua arah. Menangkap pujian maupun kritikan, dan mendengar mana yang salah dan mana yang benar.
Kita dilahirkan dengan otak tersembunyi di kepala, sehingga bagaimanapun miskinnya kita, kita tetap kaya. Karena tak seorang pun dapat mencuri isi otak kita. Yang lebih berharga dari segala permatayang ada.
Kita dilahirkan dengan dua mata, dua telinga, namun cukup dengan satu mulut. Karena mulut tadi adalah senjata yang tajam , Yang dapat melukai, memfitnah, bahkan membunuh. Lebih baik sedikit bicara, tapi banyak mendengar dan melihat.
Kita dilahirkan dengan satu hati, yang mengingatkan kita. Untuk menghargai dan memberikan cinta kasih dari dalam lubuk hati.
Belajar untuk mencintai dan menikmati untuk dicintai, tetapi Jangan pernah mengharapkan orang lain mencintai anda dengan cara dan sebanyak yang sudah anda berikan.
Berikanlah cinta tanpa mengharapkan balasan, maka anda akan menemukan bahwa hidup ini terasa menjadi lebih indah.
Yup..I think that's right "berikanlah cinta tanpa mengharapkan balasan..." Maybe i shud do this... ^^
Happy Sunday
Sundae Morning ^^
Bangun kesiangan..really late hehe..keenaken yang bobok, kesel banget, mn kemaren pulang kemaleman jg..gila tu pada orang2, pulang jam set 12 ae masi dibilang tll pagi...
mau ke greja pagi jadi nda isa..niat ke greja siang, ternyata....... dissapointed... hiks...
Kemaren d t4 maem, tumben banget lagu ne lagu2 apik.nda sia2 nunggu pemain e check sound (dr awal dateng smp sejam di situ kynya mereka cm bil "check..check..check...mlulu..) smp bosen yang denger. Ni salah satu lagu nya :
What would you do
If my heart
Was torn in two
More than words
To show you feel
That your love
For me is real
What would you say
If I took
Those words away
Then you couldn't
Make things new
Just by sayingI love you
One of my fave song...& so nice to heard that..
My personal life masi sama complicated nya, yg sedikit berbeda cm skarang aku mulai ada kontak lagi dengan dia, sebner'e sih masi ada niat untuk cuek tp nda tega...mungkin mmg aku begoooo, berharap sama sesuatu yang susah untuk terjadi.....tp terserah lah..whatever is it...i love him..once again, i'm just waiting...till when? don't know...
mau ke greja pagi jadi nda isa..niat ke greja siang, ternyata....... dissapointed... hiks...
Kemaren d t4 maem, tumben banget lagu ne lagu2 apik.nda sia2 nunggu pemain e check sound (dr awal dateng smp sejam di situ kynya mereka cm bil "check..check..check...mlulu..) smp bosen yang denger. Ni salah satu lagu nya :
What would you do
If my heart
Was torn in two
More than words
To show you feel
That your love
For me is real
What would you say
If I took
Those words away
Then you couldn't
Make things new
Just by sayingI love you
One of my fave song...& so nice to heard that..
My personal life masi sama complicated nya, yg sedikit berbeda cm skarang aku mulai ada kontak lagi dengan dia, sebner'e sih masi ada niat untuk cuek tp nda tega...mungkin mmg aku begoooo, berharap sama sesuatu yang susah untuk terjadi.....tp terserah lah..whatever is it...i love him..once again, i'm just waiting...till when? don't know...
Kamis, 13 Agustus 2009
Sebel day..
huaaaa...not a good day....kerjaan rada nda beres :(
barang yang di tunggu tunggu malah ke kirim di jakarta hiks..hikss....tinggal berdoa ae, mga2 besok nyampe solo b4 lunch...
Isa sebeeelll banget hari ini, bbrp orang bener2 nyebeli abizzz.....
Untung sore hari ini tadi ketemu ma temen lama...setelah hampir sebulan nda ketemu gara2 kena pingit hubby nya dia, akhirnya hari ini kami ketemu juga....makan bebek goreng, malah ketemu ma temen kantor..rame...seru abis & bener2 mencerahkan hari ku yang suram hehehe (koq jadi lebay ya....) malah smp ada rencana jalan2 ke pacitan libur besok ini...wwaaaaaaaa, jelas mau banget...cm males e i'm the only jomblo there hahahaha....menyedihkan wkwkwkk
'Bout him...hmmmm.... i don't know, i don't have conversation last 48 oopss 51 hours..
bukan karena aku pengen mulai menjauh dari dia, tapi aku jg lg mencoba memahami perasaaan ku sendiri...stupid me.. :(
Kemaren sih dia sempat memulai percakapan, but i said nothing to him...
rasa ne sakit juga sih, sedih..nyuekin dia...but i have to...
Mau orang bilang aku pengecut juga nda papa lah..mmg aku takut koq, takut kalau bener2 bertepuk sebelah tangan...
barang yang di tunggu tunggu malah ke kirim di jakarta hiks..hikss....tinggal berdoa ae, mga2 besok nyampe solo b4 lunch...
Isa sebeeelll banget hari ini, bbrp orang bener2 nyebeli abizzz.....
Untung sore hari ini tadi ketemu ma temen lama...setelah hampir sebulan nda ketemu gara2 kena pingit hubby nya dia, akhirnya hari ini kami ketemu juga....makan bebek goreng, malah ketemu ma temen kantor..rame...seru abis & bener2 mencerahkan hari ku yang suram hehehe (koq jadi lebay ya....) malah smp ada rencana jalan2 ke pacitan libur besok ini...wwaaaaaaaa, jelas mau banget...cm males e i'm the only jomblo there hahahaha....menyedihkan wkwkwkk
'Bout him...hmmmm.... i don't know, i don't have conversation last 48 oopss 51 hours..
bukan karena aku pengen mulai menjauh dari dia, tapi aku jg lg mencoba memahami perasaaan ku sendiri...stupid me.. :(
Kemaren sih dia sempat memulai percakapan, but i said nothing to him...
rasa ne sakit juga sih, sedih..nyuekin dia...but i have to...
Mau orang bilang aku pengecut juga nda papa lah..mmg aku takut koq, takut kalau bener2 bertepuk sebelah tangan...
Selasa, 11 Agustus 2009
I would even if i cudn't
I got sumthing good this morning when i read my friend's comment in fb....
i won't forget you, i won't forget my feeling but when it doesn't looks like what supposed to be i will "netralize" (did i use correct word? hehe 'menetralisir') my feeling..
Not if i cud then i would again but i would even if i cudn't...
Huff...still missing you till this morning.
Ganbatte!!
Happy wednesday everybody....
i won't forget you, i won't forget my feeling but when it doesn't looks like what supposed to be i will "netralize" (did i use correct word? hehe 'menetralisir') my feeling..
Not if i cud then i would again but i would even if i cudn't...
Huff...still missing you till this morning.
Ganbatte!!
Happy wednesday everybody....
F.E.E.L.I.N.G
loving you is hurt sometimes
i am standing here you just dont buy
i am always there you just dont feel
you just dont wanna feel
dont wanna heard that word
it doesnt mean i givin up
i wanna give you more and more and more
is it hurt? yes, sometimes
will i give up? i don't know...feel tired with this feeling...when i cudn't said what i want to said...
Lagi blank, ga bisa write in english hehe...sorry, jadi bahasa gado-gado nih.. :p
Kalo dipikir pikir, mmg ini the hardest ever..never been like this before..
biasane logika ku masih bisa 'jalan' whatever the situations..tapi kali ini nope..
Am i in love? maybe...i don't know what feeling inside...
sayang? yes off course...tapi liat sikap e dia, i'm not sure enough kalau dia ada perasaan yang sama
Honestly i'm just affraid, takut kalau dia memang nda ada rasa...
Dan kalau itu bener2 terjadi....must be so hurt...i don't know why but aku ngerasa sesuatu yang berbeda dari dia
Meski dia bukan perfect guy, seseorang yg bisa bikin emosi ku naik turun, tp dengan segala sikap dan sifatnya, aku bisa nerima dia...beda ma yang lain, cb klo orang lain yg bersikap gitu, mgkn aku udah 'lari' duluan...
The problem now...few parts of my logic lg ilang entah ke mana... Kalau logika ku bener2 sudah kembali utuh, mungkin dengan mudah bisa throw away dia dari pikiran & my life
Seandainya ae bisa bener2 tau perasaan dia, yes or no, mungkin akan lebih mudah buat aku..skarang rasa ne seperti ngambang....
Mau melupakan? too difficult..sebagian dari diri ku ngga rela
Mau fight? aku rasa apa yang aku lakukan selama ini dah lebih dari cukup..i'm just a girl (shud i wrote woman? hehe), i'm not that brave enough to clearly say that i love him :(
So, apa yang harus aku lakukan? waiting? yuppp..i did, almost a month and almost getting bored now hehe...praying? each time, always...pray for me, for him, for us...just let everything happen in God's way
I just want him to know that i really miss him...no matter how often we met, i'm still missing him...
I hope i do the right thing..
Senin, 10 Agustus 2009
Loving isn't how you forget
But how u forgive..
Loving isn't how you listen
But how you understand
Loving isn't what you see
But what u feel
And not how you let go
But how you hold on....
easy to wrote that notes...cud i do that?
Loving you too much was really2 hurt
If i cud i would rather to "kill" this feeling...
I'm trying to, even it hurt myself
Hard to do, shud i?
Just like now, when i'm waiting for your mesage or voice but i only received from others'
It would be great when i'm not expect too much...
But how u forgive..
Loving isn't how you listen
But how you understand
Loving isn't what you see
But what u feel
And not how you let go
But how you hold on....
easy to wrote that notes...cud i do that?
Loving you too much was really2 hurt
If i cud i would rather to "kill" this feeling...
I'm trying to, even it hurt myself
Hard to do, shud i?
Just like now, when i'm waiting for your mesage or voice but i only received from others'
It would be great when i'm not expect too much...
Memories...
I don't want clever conversation..
I never want to work that hard...
I just want someone that I can talk to...
I want you just the way you are. ...
-Billy Joel, just the way you are-
Old memory came to me last night, those song sounds seem so real in my ears (sounds from the orginal singer, off course :p). It was my fave song before and i think still gonna be a good song for me..
And i don't know why today i just re-playing the song again and again in my music player even now, i'm still listening...
Not as was used to be, just feel nothing with that song. Thanks God, it didn't ruin my whole day..Maybe i really cud forget & just pretend it as a memory...
Hufff...finally..i don't know since when but i'm glad that i cud pass it well :)
I never want to work that hard...
I just want someone that I can talk to...
I want you just the way you are. ...
-Billy Joel, just the way you are-
Old memory came to me last night, those song sounds seem so real in my ears (sounds from the orginal singer, off course :p). It was my fave song before and i think still gonna be a good song for me..
And i don't know why today i just re-playing the song again and again in my music player even now, i'm still listening...
Not as was used to be, just feel nothing with that song. Thanks God, it didn't ruin my whole day..Maybe i really cud forget & just pretend it as a memory...
Hufff...finally..i don't know since when but i'm glad that i cud pass it well :)
Minggu, 09 Agustus 2009
Everything still complicated 'till today...i don't know which ways to choose..i'm just trying to give the best i can.., i even tried to let it flow..but it isn't as easy as what people said.
sometimes i feel like i cudn't pass it..i prefer to raise the white flag & give up..so tired with the=is conditions..But, thanks God for sending me friends who always there..listening all my complain, giving support & also encourage me..
"..when i didn't know what shud i do for my life..Lord, please show me Your way..
I've done my part, & now the rest is Yours.."
sometimes i feel like i cudn't pass it..i prefer to raise the white flag & give up..so tired with the=is conditions..But, thanks God for sending me friends who always there..listening all my complain, giving support & also encourage me..
"..when i didn't know what shud i do for my life..Lord, please show me Your way..
I've done my part, & now the rest is Yours.."
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